Being a vegan for… an unknown amount of time, I’ve found throughout the years that people think a lot of funny stuff about us. Like, for example…

1. We love animals.

Seriously, let’s take of this one first. Even though it applies to both vegetarians and vegans, it’s pretty much my first question every time I say I’m vegan, if current company aren’t total douches. To quote Jade Puget (an avid vegetarian), “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants!”

Contrary to what seems to be everyone’s belief, we’re not all PETA2 waving, meat-eater shunning, self-righteous bastards. Not all of us. We’re much too lazy for that.

Besides, I kick pigeons.

2. We’re dangerously unhealthy.

While this could be skewed in several different directions, it’s generally totally stupid. Responsible vegans take supplements to make sure they catch every possible nutrient, and while a lot of vegans don’t… Yeah, like the meat-eaters are getting all their dailies either, right?

Vegans aren’t any more unhealthy than you are. Nor are we necessarily any healthier. A healthy meat-eater is still healthier than an unhealthy vegan. Which brings me to my next point…

3. If you go vegan, you’ll lose a lot of weight.

Actually, this is part true, but the weight you lose from going vegan is often toxic sludge backed up in your colon. That colon-cleansing stuff? Yeah, same thing, but going vegan is free. The problem is, though, that going vegan doesn’t burn much fat on its own.

More often than not, people who first try to go vegan will consume a lot of carbs. And, I know, we hear so much bad rap about carbs, but it’s all been researched. The thing is, since they’re not eating so much meat to fill them up, they’re eating carbohydrates, which are dense with unnecessary calories, which contribute a lot to the weight problem. If you’re trying to lose weight, your best bet is really lean meats.

Fellow vegans, please don’t kill me.

4. Going (and staying) vegan is difficult.

Yeah, it takes willpower, but the most difficult part is going vegetarian. One thing I’ve found is that, once I went vegetarian, it was only a few months before my body alerted me to the fact that the dairy wasn’t doing a whole lot for my system either. One day, I just didn’t want milk in my cereal anymore. So I picked up the carton of soymilk and dumped some in there. Been vegan ever since.

Staying vegan/vegetarian is the easy part. After a while, you just stop seeing meat and dairy as food. It doesn’t look disgusting, it just… looks like a rubber hose on your place. Really. And what’s funny is, if you try and eat it, often your body will tell you to stop eating, even if you’re still hungry.

I warn you, if you ignore it, you’ll have a hard time digesting your triple-meat, triple-cheese lasagna for the next, oh… week or so.

I know this from experience. Unfortunately.

5. Vegan food tastes nasty.

Of course, while it’s never foods we’re used to, since we grew up with meats and cheeses and such, it’s not always gross. There are hundreds of substitutes out there, if not thousands. And among them, you’re almost guaranteed to find one you like. I’ve managed to substitute most of my favorite foods (including mayonnaise–they make vegan mayonnaise!!!) with non-dairy products, and the only thing I miss a lot is Fettuccine Alfredo.

And when they make good vegan Alfredo, I am never going back. Promise.

6. “I can’t go vegan because I can’t stand the taste of/am crazy allergic to/am deathly terrified of soy.”

To the first, most soy products that substitute as something else (especially meat) don’t have much of a soy taste to them. Even soymilk, which blatantly states the culprit in the name, has flavors that don’t taste very much like soy at all. You just have to shop around a bit.

Secondly, there are entire brands of substitutes that use rice, hemp or almond instead of soy. And if you like the idea of hemp ice cream (I sure do), I’ll have you know it’s the best freaking ice cream ever. Better than the dairy stuff. Really.

As for the last point, sorry, man. Veganism isn’t a substitute for therapy.

7. No one cares if you go vegan.

Uh, fail. A little known fact about the vegan diet: it helps the environment. Think about it. Everyone’s all worked up over pollution and car emissions and whatever, but they don’t realize going vegan is the best thing they can do to reduce their carbon footprint. There are entire essays and websites about this stuff. I’m serious, go look them up.

Let’s get rid of the first problem before tackling the smaller issues like car emissions, yeah?

Frankly, I don’t actually care whether or not you go vegan after knowing this. Just don’t wave your Prius in my face and expect me to be impressed. :P

/<3

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